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Friday, July 1, 2011

I look bigger in my bathroom

I know that don't make sense...but I do.
I have a very little bathroom...
I know I've lost tons of weight over the last year or so.
I went from 122 that I was at for years and still feeling so thin at almost 5'7"
to hating climbing on the scale to see the pounds dropping away....
Now I am 108 with my clothes on :(

No matter how much I eat I have kept losing weight.
My Dr told me that because of my COPD I was burning twice the calories to breathe.
So I started added powdered milk and instant mashed potatoes to lots of things I eat.

So I know I've lost a lot of weight.
And I could see that in the bathroom mirror along with the scales.
But standing at the plastic surgeons the other day with Mom.
Naked from the waist up I that room MUCH bigger then my bathroom
I realized just how bad I look. I look bigger in my bathroom. I was fooling myself

And I felt sick...sick that my Mom had to see just how thin I really was.
I guess I tried to tell myself , It didn't show so much in clothes and standing in a small bathroom.

I just cant imagine how I'd feel as a Mother to see this happening to my girls.
I'm afraid...and I know that all my family and friends are afraid.
I'm sorry I'm putting you all thru this. I hate cancer !!!

As far as the Drs. They were able to move up my appointment with the pulmonary specialist to the 5th of Aug...better then 3 days before surgery. I am on a standby list for a cancellation.
And late yesterday got the call there was a cancellation with the cardiologist today.
So I go there at 4;00.

justjenn, Elizabeth, and Renn...thank you so much for your input and support.
I know you girls know what I'm going thru right now.
I keep going back to read your blogs whenever I have a few spare minutes :)

The stupid verification code thing is turned off on the blog now so you should be able to comment ok now. Sorry about that. It was made to stop spam. but its giving everybody problems. So I hope its easier for you all now.


  1. Hey deb......I have of course been following your blog...but, like others, was unable to comment. So I was very happy when I found out yesterday I could finally leave a message...but,'s not there :( So I am just leaving this short note to insure it makes it to you first!

  2. Oh...and it Sandi! :) Love you..(I thin k it worked!)

  3. Debbi,I am trying to get through even if I can't read the comments. My heart breaks to see you so worried as I know we are all. I have been here for you since the day you were born and I will be by your side through this until you are well and back to your (PLUMP) 120 LBS again. I have gradually seen you and felt you when I gave you a hug that you were getting thinner so it did not me or bother me that you were thin. It's what inside is what counts and inside you have a kind and loving heart. hope you have good news from the cardiologist. Love you and I am here when you need me. Love you much---Mom

  4. Debbi, we all hate the word CANCER and we will all be with you until you are well again. We hate to see you going through this and don't worry about us we will be tough for you----Love mom

  5. know that we are all here for you and keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers -


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