I know that don't make sense...but I do.
I have a very little bathroom...
I know I've lost tons of weight over the last year or so.
I went from 122 that I was at for years and still feeling so thin at almost 5'7"
to hating climbing on the scale to see the pounds dropping away....
Now I am 108 with my clothes on :(
No matter how much I eat I have kept losing weight.
My Dr told me that because of my COPD I was burning twice the calories to breathe.
So I started added powdered milk and instant mashed potatoes to lots of things I eat.
So I know I've lost a lot of weight.
And I could see that in the bathroom mirror along with the scales.
But standing at the plastic surgeons the other day with Mom.
Naked from the waist up I realized....in that room MUCH bigger then my bathroom
I realized just how bad I look. I look bigger in my bathroom. I was fooling myself
And I felt sick...sick that my Mom had to see just how thin I really was.
I guess I tried to tell myself , It didn't show so much in clothes and standing in a small bathroom.
I just cant imagine how I'd feel as a Mother to see this happening to my girls.
I'm afraid...and I know that all my family and friends are afraid.
I'm sorry I'm putting you all thru this. I hate cancer !!!
As far as the Drs. They were able to move up my appointment with the pulmonary specialist to the 5th of Aug...better then 3 days before surgery. I am on a standby list for a cancellation.
And late yesterday got the call there was a cancellation with the cardiologist today.
So I go there at 4;00.
justjenn, Elizabeth, and Renn...thank you so much for your input and support.
I know you girls know what I'm going thru right now.
I keep going back to read your blogs whenever I have a few spare minutes :)
The stupid verification code thing is turned off on the blog now so you should be able to comment ok now. Sorry about that. It was made to stop spam. but its giving everybody problems. So I hope its easier for you all now.
And He is Now At Peace
10 hours ago